[sainthonea]

OK! I recently created a new custom Space Marine Chapter. BUT I wanted to consult you Lore Masters to confirm my various Lore usage. Here is how my chapter was founded-
2. They are a Redeemed Legion that came from the Fallen Angels. They redeemed themselves by defeating a Daemon Prince and his Chaos Army. The Grey Knights and the Inquisition were a part of this battle and thus saw the redemption personally. The few Fallen were then taken to Titan, a moon of Saturn, to the home of the Inquisition to hold court. There were so few of them that they barely numbered enough to make a company. The Inquisition Courts were divided, as Tests show that they are completely free of Chaos taint, but the Dark Angel’s accounts were also seen as truth. To solve the dilemma the court decided to send the company of Fallen on a Death Oath in order to prove that they were loyal to the Emperor. The Death Oath told them to save a small Forge World that was nearly overrun by an Ork “Waagh!”. With the Company an Inquisitor named Gorfin and his Grey Knight bodyguard named Barkus. The Leader of the company of Fallen was an Chaplain named Gabriel Xander. When the SM arrived on the planet there was only one city still fighting the Waagh! The company decided to destroy the Orks by cutting off its head, the Warboss Warkinkis. They cut their way through the Ork Army to where the Warboss directed his troops. Gabriel Xander killed the Warboss in single combat. Meanwhile, the local Imperial Guard finally was able to activate a Titan using the time that the Company bought for them. Ork army was now caught in between a powerful Titan and a Company of Space Marines. The result was a massacre of the Orks. After the battle, the Titan was powered down and suddenly an Orbital Bombardment directly hit the Titan. It completely obliterated the war machine. It also killed several of the Space Marines. Then, a company of Thunder hawks delivered a number of Dark Angels Space Marines. At first the Fallen Company were glad to see more battle brothers, but the DA opened fire on the Fallen. Even though the DA shooting hi brothers, Xander would not let his men fire back. The Inquisitor Gorfin admired this heroic action ordered his small Imperial Navy fleet to surround the single DA ship and forced them to stand down. Gorfin then took the DA and the Fallen back to Titan. The Inquisition court ordered the DA to state why they openly attacked the Fallen when the Fallen did not fire back. After hearing the DA’s reason, which was that the DA policy on the Fallen was to shoot on sight, the Inquisition decided to be fair handed for once. Instead of death, they offered the small DA force to join with the Fallen to form a fledgling Chapter. The DA agreed to this as the ship and its forces were part of a reserve company and thus were expendable. The Inquisition then set up the necessary procedures with the Imperium to start a Chapter. Xander was chosen for the Chapter Master and the forge World they saved was set up as their home world. They are called the Legio Redempti, the Legion of the Redeemed.

Now, all i need is for you Lore Masters to review the story and confirm that my story follows lore. FYI, to be simple my Chapter is using basic SM Codex

[sainthonea]

After you guys review this story i will begin the Paint Scheme and have y'all review it.

[Paul]

Must say I'm amazed you chose to post here, considering how awful it looks at the minute. =P
Warp Storms is actually very dead now, although for the last week or two I've been considering having a go at starting it up again, so maybe you're timing isn't all that bad, haha.


Anyway - first off; paragraphs. Use the buggers, they make it much easier for people (ie; me) read things. =P

But, for the actual wordy bits.

There's a few areas I had trouble with here.
First is that you seem to be under the impression that the Fallen are a Legion or Chapter in their own right, which is not the case. I'm a little rusty on my lore, but here's what I remember.
When the Dark Angels Legion was split (The Lion fighting with Luther on Caliban, blah blah blah) the marines that had been left under the care of Luther scattered and became the Fallen. Individuals who are being hunted still, often at the head of their own warbands, but rarely if ever in groups. The way the Dark Angels (and by extension, the Unforgiven Chapters) see it is that the stain on their honour cannot be expunged until the name of every single Fallen has been crossed off.

Another is the Dark Angels agreement to the terms set out by the Inquisition, and their reasoning why.
The Dark Angels have been known to withdrawn from theatres of war with zero notice or explanation, in order to pursue their own agenda, often related to following up reports of the Fallen. The fact that they would be willing to leave entirely leave their battle-brothers in interplanetary war to hunt down a single renegade marine makes it clear that they would never agree to stand-down.

The third is that no marine is expendable, whether they've been serving five minutes or five centuries. Chapters spend a huge amount of time and effort creating a marine, and even if they were 'just a reserve company' they would still be capable of single-handedly recovering planets lost to renegade politicians or cults (there's related fluff somewhere, I know I've read it. =P). To suggest that even a single battle-brother is 'expendable' is treasonous, haha.


In addition to the above, there's very little mention of exact (or even vague) chapter strength, organisation (including changes due to low numbers), chapter-specific oddities or deviancies from the Codex Astartes etc.

By all means, have a rethink, give it another go, and post it up for us. =]

Lastly, if you've not seen it before, this here is a cracking little tool for devising chapter schemes.